Thursday, April 25, 2013


When the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change - then you will change.

I don't know.
I wish this was true.
I wish I could have my thyroid removed.
I wished medicine worked to control it.
I wish I didn't have to be on steroids for inflammation.
I wish 1,000 different things weren't working against my metabolism.
I wish leading a healthy life was rewarded by having health.
I wish things that were important weren't taken away.
I wish the process of being refined didn't hurt.

Monday, April 22, 2013

BBs and Arrows

I'm not positive but I think a deranged red-winged blackbird has taken up residence in the tree outside my bedroom window. I also think it follows me to my momMA's house. It takes great delight in waking me up at 5:30 EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. with its raucous, repetitive call. 

I love listening to the birds in the morning. I love walking the boardwalk and watching the red-winged blackbirds flit from cattail to cattail. I love fishing on my lake, taking the boat into Shoe-pac Bay where the weeds and marsh surround us. The sun glints off the water, small birds call (hidden from view), and the red-winged blackbird balances on tall blades of grass. It is peace and nature and life.

I DO. NOT. LOVE. the red-winged blackbird that lives outside my window. NOT. AT. ALL. It lacks the happy trill before the caw. It lacks the lilt in the call. It lacks the soprano chirp. It is a song on crack. A repetitive song on crack. An every-five-seconds song on crack. For two straight hours. Did I already mention EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING?

This is me today (head covered, trying to block out the sound), moments before throwing off the covers, jumping up semi-clothed, and screaming out my window, "SHUT UP! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!!!!!!" at 6:15 a.m. Yeah, I'm sure the neighbors loved that. Probably thought some domestic dispute was taking place up on the hill.

On a brighter's bright outside today. Absolutely beautiful. Of course, I don't get to enjoy it because today is my long day at school BUT it is supposed to be like this all week so I have that to look forward to. I get my momMA back tomorrow. I don't like sharing. We have company this week from NYC. I have ratatouille for lunch. And ice chips. If I can just convince that durn bird to relocate, all would be well. If not, it better start cawing with one eye open. I am my mother's daughter. All it takes is one well-aimed shot.

P.S.  Annie Oakley is my other mother.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Listen Past Your Blind Spots

I read an excellent article today written by Mark Goulston and John Ullman. It was written with business people as the target audience with the goal being to give them tools to become more influential and better salesmen, basically. There were good truths, however, and reminders that all people are seeking a connection. They are looking for someone who cares. Paraphrased, this is what Goulston and Ullman had to say:

In order to engage with another, we need to listen with a strong motive to learn and understand. We have "blind spots" that hinder us so that what we hear is distorted by our own needs, biases and experiences...even when our intentions are good. We hear what others are saying without hearing what they mean. There are four main levels of listening and 95% of us will fall somewhere within the first three levels.

1. Avoidance = Listening Over
These are the people who say, "Uh-huh" while not even taking the time to stop what they are doing...checking email, reading texts, playing with phone, watching TV.

2. Defensive = Listening At
These are people who listen with their defenses up, preparing counterpoints while the person is still talking. It is being quick to react and slow to consider.

3.  Problem-Solving = Listening To
These are people who listen in order to accomplish or to move things forward. If solutions are genuinely being sought by the speaker, this type of listening is okay, but more often than not the speaker ends up feeling frustrated, misunderstood or resentful.

4. Connective = Listening Into
These are the people we all crave. They listen INTO what is being said in order to understand what is going on inside the speaker. They listen on the speaker's terms, not their own. It is putting aside pre-conceived ideas, letting down defenses, hearing beyond words and seeking to make a connection that is heartfelt and genuinely interested.