"The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and everyday. Either he will shield you from suffering, or he will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations."
~St. Francis
I would like to present myself as spiritually strong and say I believe this 100%. My faith is secure. I have no doubts. I can't say it and be authentic. I don't doubt that He shields me from suffering. I do doubt that He gives me unfailing strength to bear it. What does that even mean? I know St. Francis is just paraphrasing the verse that says we won't be given more than we can bear -- but really? Okay, so I'm sitting here typing. I'm alive and breathing. Is that proof that I've been given the strength to bear suffering? Because if it is -- I am not satisfied. I am angry. I am supposed to believe in a God who loves me unconditionally - a God who calls me His daughter. I am supposed to love Him even when I don't understand. Well, I DON'T understand. If my earthly Dad allowed as much heartache and overwhelming, unbeatable circumstances into my life - I'd be a lot less fond of him. How much is too much? When do we get to the breaking point - because I think I passed it. I'm tired of crying out, begging, searching and hearing only silence. I don't want to do it anymore.
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