There are all types of suffering in life. There is suffering due to real physical pain. There is suffering that can be attributed to spiritual separation from the Father. There is emotional suffering that can cause as much pain as physical aches and agony. For many years, I struggled with anger toward God for allowing so much suffering to touch my life. I remember going to a class on forgiveness and asking, "What if you don't feel like you can forgive God?" Everyone looked appalled. We are in no position to judge the motives of the Lord -- and yet, I couldn't think of any other way to ask it.
It was later, while I was reading Philip Yancey's book, Disappointment With God, that a truth I'd heard my entire life somehow resonated and stuck in my head. I think I had been leaning too heavily toward the Calvinist way of thinking. I totally believed in the sovereignty of God but downplayed His goodness. He was the last person I wanted to go to for comfort because, in my mind, since He was sovereign - He was therefore completely responsible for my suffering. In reality, God respects me as His creation. He loves me. He wants to pursue a real, genuine, affection-filled relationship with me. This is not possible if He forces me into it. He gives me a choice. As a result, there is the possibility I will choose wrongly.
I may choose a path that causes pain. I may choose a road that leads me in the wrong direction. I may journey down a trail that takes me far from Him. Not only do I have this choice, so does every other created being on the planet. Others' choices may cause pain -- to me! There are always consequences to wrong actions and sometimes innocent bystanders share in the devastation and hurt. That's what happens when we are free. We suffer the consequences of our actions and sometimes we suffer the consequences of the actions of others.
Tonight I was reading the bible online because my bible is at work. I typed in suffering to see what might come up and down at the bottom of my screen there were several "related" questions I could click on, like...
"Why do we suffer?"
"Why do innocent people suffer?"
"Why do we have eyebrows?"
"Why does God allow suffering?"
Wait a minute, why do we have eyebrows???? What does that have to do with anything. I'm not kidding, it was a question that was listed with all the others. It brought me up short as I started to think about it. It was a question that didn't fit. It wasn't going to give me the answer I was looking for. Light bulb moment! I have been asking the wrong question.
In recent weeks I have been asking, "Why?" again. I want to know why life seems so hard sometimes. Why does it seem unfair? Why does it appear unjust? But you know what? I think that's like asking, in the middle of a bunch of suffering questions, why we have eyebrows. If I want an explanation, I need to ask the right question...which is "Who?" When I ask "Who?" I am not so much seeking the answers from God as I am seeking God Himself. As I read on a blog recently, when we ask the Who question we seek "to grow in deeper understanding of who God is because when we are suffering, what we need more deeply, passionately, and urgently than answers...is God."
Stand firm in the faith...And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.To Him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. ~1 Peter 5:9-11
