Honesty

Okay. As I begin my 40s (there, I said it) I have done a lot of self-reflection. People say age is just a number. I know that is true, to some extent, but age is also a measure of how many years you have lived. Each year under your belt is one less to be lived again. I wouldn't trade the first two decades of my life for anything. The same can't be said of my 3rd decade. That was a hard one for me. I don't want to dwell on it but I don't want to repeat it during my 40s, either. Here are some things I would like to work on:

1. I am in a church that doesn't feed me. Its goals are not my goals. The things they have chosen to emphasize and focus energy on are not where my heart is. Do I need to change churches or do I need to re-evaluate my own life?
2. My health. Much of it is out of my control but there are things I can do to make it more manageable... more regular contact with my doctors, more frequent blood tests to make sure I'm within normal ranges, less burying-my-head-in-the-sand (hoping everything will go away).
3. I need to make time to exercise more frequently and choose exercises that don't exacerbate joint inflammation.
4. I need to drink less soda and more water.

Steps I've taken so far:
1. I've talked to my doctor about various health concerns and am in the process of getting things checked out.
2. I began a low dose of antidepressants to help with anxiety and obsessive-compulsive thinking patterns.
3. I have researched eating plans similar to Medifast (the only plan that has ever somewhat helped me lose weight while I struggle with fluctuating TSH levels).
4. I am starting a homemade protein shake regimen, with lean protein and lots of greens for dinner.

5. I have quit going to church. I know, this doesn't seem to be a step in the right direction, but I haven't quit for good. I'm giving myself a break and not doing what I "should" do. I want to talk to God without anger and guilt and the high blood pressure that results whenever I have to listen to the men of Alderwood. Not feeling like I'm going to hurdle the chairs in front of me and tackle the preacher each Sunday has been a huge relief. I'm feeling much calmer and much less angry at God.

Last night, I made my first batch of blueberry/banana protein shake. It was surprisingly simple. I made enough to drink throughout the day. One serving consists of:
1 tsp. fiber
1  cup water
1 cup crushed ice
2 T. casein protein
1/6 of a banana
1/4 c. fresh blueberries
Put it in a blender and puree til smooth. I bought an insulated big thermos to put it in and brought it to work today. It is nice and cool and refreshing. The casein protein helps to make you feel full.

Tonight's menu:
Grilled salmon
Kale sauce (kale, onions, garlic, olive oil, salt and pepper)
Seasoned zucchini slices

I'm also drinking lots of water. Here is proof (my protein shake thermos and my ice water thermos!):

 

So, since today's blog is kinda like a confessional, here's another picture. This is what my fit body used to look like - before health issues wreaked havoc. I realize I'm not in my 20s anymore but it's not bad to have a goal, right? I mean, look at those legs and arms. That's a body that is cared for and disciplined. This is the me that's inside. Maybe it will one day be the me that's on the outside again, too.

 

And, finally, a quote from one of my favorite people...John  Wooden:

It's the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.